You're not crazy.
You're not asking for too much.
And you're not alone.
You've read all the books, listened to the all the podcasts, and watched all the reels ~ trying to figure out how to say it better, be more patient, and inspire your Underfunctioning Partner to change. ​
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But nothing is really changing. Except that you're more depleted, confused, resentful, and disconnected than ever before.
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Sound familiar? Then you've found your tribe. 🫶
There is hope.
​You're not stuck because you're missing something or not communicating well enough.
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And you're not stuck because of your partner (although they're certainly not helping).
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You're stuck because you've been duped into believing that if you just love them more and better, you'll eventually figure this out. (and if there's one thing Overfunctioning Women do really well, it's keep going until we figure it out).
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Typical relationship advice tells you to soften your communication, keep trying because "it takes two to tango," and remember that "all relationships take work."
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But the sneaky thing about Overfunctioning is that the harder you try, the worse it gets. The more you do, the less they do. The more patient you are, the more time you waste.
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That's why you have to take a totally different approach.
Thankfully, there are things that work and that's what you get access to inside The Self-Restoration Community.
Self-Restoration Takes Practice
But it's not enough to just learn about your Overfunctioning pattern and their Underfunctioning behavior.​
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At this point, you don't need more courses or books.
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You need practice.
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Practice doing less. Practice pushing back on their nonsense. Practice advocating for yourself. Practice being ok when they're not ok.
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Your system has to experience new ways of interacting with your partner, and seeing that you can survive these hard, scary moments.
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If you try to do this alone, chances are good the fear and guilt will send you right back to your Overfunctioning ways because it's what's familiar.
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More years will go by, and not much will change.
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To become a Self-Restored Woman, you need emotionally safe support while you practice.
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You deserve to have a Self-Restored Leader saying, "Here, try this," or "I wonder what would happen if you said this instead?"
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You deserve to have other Self-Restoring Women doing this work saying, "That scares me, too," or "I tried it and it worked!"
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Inside The Self-Restoration Community, you get the safety net of Dr. Ashley's guidance and other women's encouragement while you practice these new skills.
This is how you become a Self-Restored Woman.​
Becoming a Self-Restored Woman
​​​​When women begin stepping back from Overfunctioning, something powerful happens.
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They stop obsessing about what their partner is thinking and feeling.
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They stop questioning their reality every time their partner disagrees with them.
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They stop feeling responsible for their partner's comfort.
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They stop abandoning themselves in order to keep the peace.
They become calm in their bodies, clear in their minds, and confident with their decisions. They trust and respect themselves more, and their own joy and comfort become their priorities. Perhaps most importantly, they stop letting their happiness be dependent on their partner's growth.​
Hi, I'm Dr. Ashley
I spent nearly 20 years Overfunctioning in Love. I worried more about my partner's comfort than my own. I worked harder to regulate their emotions than mine. And I had way too many mind-numbing conversations trying to teach them the basic principles of empathy.
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After developing a severe autoimmune disorder and watching my love slowly morph into rage and loneliness, I knew something had to change. It clearly wasn't going to be my partner ~ it had to be me.
So, I started looking at my own patterns of Overfunctioning. I did less. I let things fall through the cracks. I let them get mad at me and make me out to be the villain. And I started paying more attention to my feelings and needs.
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I'm not going to lie ~ it was terrifying. My knees shook every time I spoke up. My mind freaked out every time they freaked out.
I felt like my entire life was on the line, and could all fall apart at any minute. ​​​
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Spoiler alert: it all fell apart.​​
​​For me and my relationship, divorce ended up being the only self-respecting decision I had left. But looking back now ~ many years later ~ I can see how that breakdown became my biggest breakthrough. Because in the midst of all that fear, resentment, rage, and despair...I found courage, clarity, and self-respect that I didn't even know I had tucked inside.​​
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Eventually, day by day and decision by decision, I became a Self-Restored Woman.
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But it wasn't an easy journey. There were so many moments when I didn't know what to do, and I felt so rattled by all the unknowns. I would have loved to have had someone to give me ideas for what to do in my specific situation, and women to talk to who were in the same boat (maybe even just a few steps ahead of me).
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That's why I created The Self-Restoration Community. So that you have a safe space to ask your questions, share your fears, and document your progress. Here you get the validation, guidance, encouragement, and celebration you deserve ~ whenever you need it!
One of our members was about to cancel her membership...and then she sent me this message.
Why Healing Happens Faster Together
One of the hardest parts of Overfunctioning is that it can feel incredibly isolating.
You spend so much time questioning yourself, analyzing the relationship, and carrying the emotional weight that you begin to feel alone in your experience.
Even the people who love you most may not fully understand. They don't understand why it's so hard to let go. They don't understand why you're still trying. They don't understand why you don't "just leave."
Inside The Self-Restoration Community, you don't have to explain yourself. You're surrounded by women who get it ~ women who have asked the same questions, faced the same fears, agonized over the same decisions, and are learning how to stop carrying it all alone.
​There is something incredibly healing about hearing another woman say, "Oh my god, me too."
Because in that moment, you realize you're not crazy. You're not weak. And you're certainly not alone.
This Community taps into the incredible healing power of sisterhood. The women in here help you see what you've stopped seeing. They reflect your strength back to you when you've forgotten it's there. They remind you of your truth when self-doubt creeps in.
And they walk beside you as you learn how to trust yourself again.
This is why so many women tell me that joining this Community was the turning point in their journey to becoming a Self-Restored Woman.
As a member, you get 24/7 access to
So. Much. Goodness.
This is a self-paced community, so you can engage as much or as little as you want. There is no “falling behind."
This Community is for YOU if you are...
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Married, separated, divorced, single, dating ~ all relationship statuses are welcome here
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Quietly suffering while holding it all together for the kids, your job, and the relationship
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Agonizing over whether to stay in or leave your relationship
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Wanting to stay together or not wanting to stay together ~ we honor whatever choice is right for you
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Questioning if you're asking for too much and wondering if maybe you're the problem and you're just not seeing something
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Brand new or far along in your Self-Restoration journey ~ because personal growth is lifelong, there is something for everyone inside the community
...wherever you are in your journey, you are welcome here.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can men and/or Underfunctioning Partners join this group?
No. This is a private membership community for women only who are actively working on healing from Overfunctioning. Those who violate this guideline will be immediately removed without a refund.
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Is it just a group of women complaining about their partners?
Absolutely not. The Community is filled with women who want to self-reflect, take responsibility for their personal growth, and leave behind their Overfunctioning ways. We do not stay stuck in hopelessness or victimhood, or tell other women what they should do. We do not ask, “How do I get them to change?” Instead, we ask, "What can I change within me so that I stop abandoning myself?"
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How does membership work?
It's month-to-month, so no long-term commitments or contracts. You get immediate access to everything right away. You can easily cancel on your own anytime before your next billing cycle.
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Do I have to use my real name?
No, but it's preferred to support emotional safety and transparency in the community. If you are concerned about your privacy, simply register with your initials or a pseudonym (or change your name once you have created your account). You can share as much or as little information about yourself as you want.
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Is the Community a Facebook group?
No. The Community is hosted on the platform, Circle, which has no connection with any social media. This means that your social media "friends" and "followers" will not see that you are a member.
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Do I have to be on-camera if I attend the live events?
No. You can join the live events and opt to turn your camera off. Having said that, safety in the community is amplified when women fully engage with each other ~ one way to do this is to turn your camera on and allow yourself to be seen. While it may be uncomfortable at first, you may be pleasantly surprised at how good it feels to connect deeper with other women in that way.
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Is this Community like group therapy?
No. While Dr. Ashley is a licensed therapist, this group is an educational and community support space only. Dr. Ashley is not practicing as a therapist, and this community is not intended to be a substitute for therapy or any other form of professional mental health support. Also, membership in this community does not constitute a therapist-client relationship with Dr. Ashley.
Joining the Community is Simple
Membership is monthly. You can stay as long as you want. You can cancel on your own anytime.
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If you're curious, try it for just 1 month. A $30 investment gets you access to everything.
If it's helpful, stay with us for another month. But if not, you can leave no questions asked.
A Few More Words of Transformation from Members
